You Can Survive

by Kaela
(Port Hope, Ontario )

Abusive relationships happen more than people think and they impact people in so many different ways! I'm about to tell you the story of mine!

It was April of 2015; I had recently met up with a few friends fishing. Included in those friends was a guy I hadn't seen in many years, he dated an old friend of mine a few years ago. We all got talking there was some drinking involved I was staying sober, and I had to drive home. I ended up transporting this guy to another portion of the river so he could catch a fish. Well, we got talking, and one thing led to another, and we ended up sharing our first kiss! With a blossoming relationship from then on, things were great!

He ended up moving to the same town as me so we could be closer! We ended up spending most of our days and nights together! And then things started to change. He'd do little things like poke me, or play fight with me, which lead into Charlie horses and slaps! In the bedroom, he became more aggressive choking me and pulling my hair way too hard. I would get paid from work, and he would take my money and spend it all on alcohol, and leave me with next to nothing then yell at me, because I wouldn't give him what I had left until he made me feel so small, that I finally did. Fast forward to October, he was drinking at a friends and wanted to go pick up marijuana from another friend so he told me to drive. We didn't even make it out of the site's parking lot when he started arguing with me about wanting to operate the vehicle. I wouldn't let him! We barely made it to the end of the road when the argument escalated to the street where he confiscated the car and took off, almost hitting me in the process! I then walked home as he was arrested for drunk driving and theft.

He acted as nothing had happened when he was released later that October. We had distanced ourselves a bit. He moved to a sober house to deal with his issues, to be a better person. It didn't work. He went to rehab for his alcohol abuse in December. I had found an apartment for us to live in. He moved in, in January. Things were great for about a month until he relapsed and decided to steal money from me. The cops were called and he was arrested on petty theft, we then got our first no contact order!

My life was acceptable during his incarceration, and we were still in contact while he was in jail. The Court sentenced him to 20 days. On February 8th I found out I was pregnant! I was all too excited! I had to tell him! When he was released, I advised him I was pregnant, and he went right back to drinking. However, for now, things were getting better, and the abuse had stopped. And we were in a healthy relationship until one night everything changed.

He had woken up at 2 am, turned every light on and started blasting music. I quickly turned it off as I was tired. We then got into an argument which led to pushing and shoving. He spat in my face, and I shoved him. He decided to grab me by the throat and choke me. I can still remember laying on the floor gasping for air, as I couldn't breath, and him standing over top watching me gasp for air. I got up with blood running down my leg, as he had thrown me after choking me and I had slid my thigh across the metal bed frame he had previously flipped in his anger. I still got up. I attempted to phone the police, and he smashed my phone. He dragged me outside where he continued to choke me and pulled me downstairs. Finally, after running inside and locking myself in my apartment, he left. I then ran up the stairs to my neighbor's to call 911! I was transferred to the hospital. When my leg was treated photos were taken, and I had the most anxious nine minutes of my life as the doctor attempted to find my baby's heartbeat. Finally, the doctor found the pulse. The baby and I had survived.

A week following law enforcement arrested my partner. And, two months later I took the stand against him. I stared him in the eye, explained what he did to me and how he impacted my life. It's now a year later, and I have a seven-month-old daughter who is thriving.

I'm still working through what happened. It takes time to heal. But eventually, you do!