You are NOT worthless

by Lynn
(Arkansas )

I've been the survivor of the following: black eyes (more than I can count), bloodied noses, broken hand, broken jaw, bending of fingers back, twisted arm, busted head,dragged across yard in the sleet (naked), kicked, pushed, strangled, bald spots from hair pulling, bloody legs, bloody eye, bloody nose, but most gruesome is the manipulation and the way he uses me against his daughter.

I have no "yay" story yet. I've been in this four years. I have recently taken the first step (admitting that this is happening). Now, there's the fear, mixed with a cup of, "I still care for him", mixed with a cup of weekly death threats, to the point I don't know what to do. You CAN'T safely ask for help, without taking the chance of him hurting someone, because men (cowards) like him, are not afraid of prison.

I have watched him shake the hands of local officers (Do they not care that the hand they are shaking has nearly killed so many people?) He's a felon. I am NOT his first victim. Yet, somehow, people like me have the cops after me for not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign, but he's doing this.....

It's a manipulation that can not be explained. My word of "love and advice" to others going through this. Document. Create an email that is solely for the abuse. This way, you can quickly send it by your phone, delete from phone, and everything is not only documented, but dated. Screenshot his death threats, record conversations if you can, but document every bruise and every threat. Don't forget to delete out of your phone!

Yep, I was once a woman who said, "I'll never stay". Well, here I am. Here I am, low as can be, hopeless, have even lost my love for being a mother (as he makes me feel I'm an awful one). Here I am, allowing his daughter to watch me cover bruises, allowing him to use her against me to make me stay, watching him take his mask on and off behind closed doors. They HAVE to beat you more frequent as it escalates, because after a beating, we are on our BEST behavior.

Educate yourself. It's all you've got. Tell people. I would love to tell you to call the police, but chances are whoever is reading this, fears that if they do, they will be killed. Yep, me too! If you can't tell them, at least tell a cop from an area that does not know you to please hear your story and remember your name. This way, it's at least known by someone that abuse is happening.

Keep an email as I said. If you are embarrassed to give the address to anyone. Here's what I have done. One friend has my email account, and another from a different town has the password. Should something ever happen (such as hospital or even death), those two are to meet (they've never met) and give those things to the appropriate someone. Maybe someone will listen. Until then. I'm a stranger to you, but I love you! You're NOT worthless. You are in this situation because you ARE a good, loving, person that has been taken advantage of. He KNOWS you are a good person. Cowards like him have to beat you in order to keep you, otherwise you would leave him, because you ARE better than him and he knows it!