Why Do I Behave Like Its Normal When I Know Its Not?

by Rachel
(Sydney, Australia)

I slapped him first. I was outraged. He had been drinking all night. He told me he would only have one glass tonight and come to bed, but I heard him drinking with our flatmate the whole night instead. He was speaking to her about our relationship and how things were between us – this made me angry because she is a complete stranger and its disrespectful to me.

When he came into the room, he couldn’t even stand up straight or keep his eyes open. I slapped him, and he punched me in my head. I fell to the floor, and he walked up to me and asked me to hit him again and see what happens.

I am not scared of him, and I did want to hit him. I am very petite, and he is a large-sized guy. When he drinks, he loses all his senses. I knew if he hit me again he would not stop until something severe happens. I wasn’t worried about me – I want to die. I was concerned about him. I didn’t want him to get in trouble.

I think he is a good person and I bring out the worst in him.