Was it abuse when it doesn't involve a fist? part 2

by jessica thompson
(new zealand)

Read part 1 of "Was it abuse when it doesn't involve a fist?"

At this point I had not one friend and none of my family lived within an hour’s drive. Matt would continuously put me down and call me names, and the bruises kept happening. And things just started to get worse and worse, I found myself getting depressed and disappointed in myself. I had no confidence. For the whole semester at University I went to about 10 classes in total. I missed day after day of class because Matt had a job which was 2 days a week and his course was online so he had nothing to do. If I went to University it meant I was leaving him alone.
I started buying him whatever he wanted because If I didn't he would complain about his life not being good enough, At one point I even spent $7000 on a new car for him because he was embarrassed of hopping out of his old car in a suit if he ever were to do Law work. He started arguments with me while driving; on numerous occasions demanding this new car. He would speed and try to scare me. He would even leave me in several places and leave me to walk for hours in the rain.

I once even went to the bank to get a loan to pay for the car. They denied it and when I went to the car to tell him I was in tears and told him it had been denied, and he drove off and left me stranded. I found out that an old friend of mine had moved close to us so I arranged the following day to see her before I had a class at university. Matt knew about this and didn't want me to go because he would have nothing to do all day. But this time I told him I was going, I had the keys in my pocket. As I was on the ground getting ready, he started calling me names and saying his ex-girlfriend was better than me. He even called me a ‘filthy nigga’. He started standing right behind me and yelling in my ear. He kept asking for the keys, and I said no I need to go to University. He then grabbed me by my shorts and lifted my off the ground and shake me like a rag doll, dragging me until the point my pants had ripped, and he got the keys. He left in the car, and I was left there crying. Hours had passed, and he hadn't come back. I had nothing to do but call the police and report my car stolen.

As I was on the phone to a ‘111’ representative, she asked if everything was okay. It was the first time anyone had asked me that in a long time. I burst out crying, and I told her everything. She told me she wouldn't do anything, and it was my choice to press charges. But within minutes police showed up. I was freaking out because I knew I would be in trouble with Matt if he saw the police were over. The two policemen sat me down, and I told them everything, as I did Matt showed up. He told them that I was lying and had cut my own shorts with a craft knife, saying I was trying to get revenge on him and ruin his dream of being a lawyer. I could hear all his lies as I sat in the other room with one of the officers. The police put a PSO (Police Safety Order) against him for 5 days, as after minutes of meeting him they knew I wasn't safe. The police were worried for my safety and did everything over the next few days to keep me safe. They checked up on me twice a day and were tracking his every movement. They didn't want this to be another …….. Case.

7 months later I have moved on, and I know longer have contact with Matt. Although my family, friends and the police wanted me to press charges, I did not. I knew that if I did I wouldn't be safe until he was behind bars, and I know that would've taken months. I Know it would've been hard to press charges when Matt has studied law and knows just what to say and do. I knew if I lost the battle that I couldn't handle it knowing that he went to court and got away with it. So me sharing this story is my little piece of justice and will help me move on knowing that I may help other people like me. Spreading awareness is all I can do, I hope this story will prevent this from happening to someone else.

Look for the signs and go with your gut feeling, and know that your family and friends have your best interests at heart.

I know that Matt has since graduated University and wishes to pursue his career as a lawyer. He hasn't admitted anything to anyone, and his family believes his lies. He has no conscious and doesn't believe he did anything wrong. I have since changed universities and moved away. I have heaps of friends and reconnected with those who I lost along the way. I have been to counseling and feel a lot better about myself and life. I am also going away to Bali again, the same time as a year ago but with my mother and sister to recreate my memories of Bali.