Safe now

I was a lonely vulnerable single mum of 4 children. I couldn't believe my luck when I ran into my first ever boyfriend and we rekindled our relationship. At first it seemed so romantic. He was so attentive.... wow!! I thought.. how wrong I was. I want to encourage any one that there is a little voice inside you that whispers a warning. Listen to that voice.. I chose to ignore it and because of that in was trapped for 4 years of abuse.

The first warning for me was we were in the garden, and I can't even remember the conversation. But the next minute, I saw a shift in him.. his eyes changed and he grabbed my throat pushed me up against the fence held a spade to my throat and said " if you ever leave me I will cut your head off with a spade."

I was terrified.

He stepped away kept digging in the garden and tried to laugh it off. My little voice was inside me then saying "this is not ok." Things esculated after this and for four years I was trapped in a nightmare of physical and emotional abuse. I left the relationship 4 times and on the 4th time it was for good.

I am a survivor. I am in an amazing relationship now, and he supports me through my nightmares and triggers. I still check my doors twice at night, and I still freak out when I see cars that look like his, always looking over my shoulder. However!! This is no where near as bad as it was.

If anyone needs someone to chat to that has been there... how to come up with a plan to leave ... feel free to contact me for non-judgmental support!!!!

Lots of love jo....jojostolz72 at gmail d o t com.