My Domestic violence story

by candice
(winnipeg canada)

It all started in the summer of 2012, soon after I lost my son in a tragic accident. My then partner and I had been together about 5 months. My first memory of abuse was my sister's wedding night. We were both intoxicated, and he had snuck beer back to the house with him. I said something about it and the response was a slap across the face. I know I should have left right then, but looking back we lived together, and I felt I owed him something for being the only one there when my son passed away. I will make something clear, in the year I have been gone I learned you never owe anyone for things they wanted to do for you that is their choice.

I stayed for 3 years because he controlled everything. Eventually I lost a lot of friends. People turned their backs. Because I was so scared of those angry drunken beatings, I stopped seeing my granny. She was my best friend in a lot of ways. I had put up with and given so much, I couldn't even cry for her. She passed almost exactly two years after I buried my son.

I did leave him once moved provinces. He contacted me and promised me the world. How naive I was to beleive That. It brought half naked pictures of his ex, a hand outline bruise on my arm for new years. The worst was hearing for months that I was a horrible a mom and my son passing was my fault. It really breaks a person.

I have been through the Whole Spectrum of things people Can experience, homeless prégnant, cheated on, beaten, and had death threats made against me. It will be a year soon since I left. It took two moments to trigger a séries of évents. The first was getting punched in the head with my 2 month old daughter in the bed. The next was an awesome family member with a simple question, "Would you be with him if you didn't have too be?" The answer to me was simply NO!! It had been over for me for a while I just hadn't found a way out.

The next day I was in a shelter in a new city where I knew almost nobody, with a three month old baby. I stuck to myself that whole first day. Eventually I opened up to the idea and made several friends. I still go back to that place sometimes to share my experience with the hope of helping someone.

Its been almost a year now. I have made new friends, found a place of my own and gained some confidence back. I am still not the person I was once. I still have triggers: loud trucks, parties next door, people fighting. There are nights when I even double check the locks.

If I could say one thing to another woman it would be: You Can Leave, You Can make it! Taking the first step is hard, but it Is Worth It.