Misjudged Victims of Domestic Abuse, Why they can not make the move for change..

by Carmela Correale
(Aust.)

In some cases some people with this problem do not get any sympathy From so called professional psychologist. Some will say 'oh you just have to make up your mind to go'

It is not that simple.What one has to do is break the cycle of fear. Which can have been indoctrinated into the victims head from childhood.Comments from parents that say "every one has the right to punish you, if they are older than you'
"you are wrong even when you are right' 'don't make waves'
'ignore him and don't answer back'.

When bullied, coming home from school (60 years ago) and go home crying that 3 boys tried to pull me into the bushes, I was reprimanded with punishment that I was never to bring home trouble that I should sort it out myself.

On one occasion after the same boys between 6 years and 12 years 4 in total came at me again and blocked me off. I was close to home there was scrub along the roadside.
I picked up gravel and began flinging it about like a little machine gun I was about 8 years old. I hit one of the boys. And they all went running. I went home content as mutt, I did not tell my mother what happened. I had defended myself as I had been required to do.

A short time later a fat Italian woman dragging her little boy by the hand came screaming at my mother's door to come and look at what her daughter had done to her son. My mother called me over and I tried to explain that 4 boys wanted to drag me into the scrub, but to no avail.

I copped a belting with something, an ironing cord, or stick or could have been the jockey whip I had found and brought home. Yelling and beating she said I told you not to bring trouble home.

My mother could have defended me as one of the boys was a neighbour about 200 yards away but she refused to go and talk to his mother. And to this day even though I helped raise some of my siblings and helped her out in the fields, She has never uttered a word of gratitude in fact even now as she is getting dementia she asked my husband "How have you endured that wife of yours she has given me nothing but trouble all my life"?

FEAR

Fear much stronger hold --than prison bars
No home baked cake- -can file away
Locked deep inside the caves of mind
They sit and wait--For judgement day

Who is this warden of the keep---
That locks them even from their sleep
Who holds that magic golden file---
Who's only light can melt away--
Those fearful bars of tomorrow--yesterday--and today

Judge not their weaknesses for it is not their will
To be held steadfast--and still
Reach out your hand--and understand
The magic light--is just a hand in hand

Carmel Aust. 1990