“LOVE” WITH THE FORCE OF HIS FIST

by Michelle
(St. Paul, MN)

Just imagine the perfect type of prince charming kind of guy that you always want to married when you were a little girl. He was PERFECT, nothing more than I will and ever asked for; the sweet and charming but also has a little bit of the wild fun side.

At the time we met he always made sure that I was noticed. Never left me hanging anywhere and constantly want to be around me no matter what. Never thought that those romance caring, loving ways was eventually turning into nightmares within 3 months.

He had CHANGED in a blink of an eye. His romance was slowly disappearing and it just became a push and pull type of love. & naïve me I stood around because I believed, had faith and loved him……

I still remember it like it was yesterday. He started using profanity words on me; slut, ho, whore, bitch… anything you can think of. He started mistreating me, making fun of me in front of his friends, and it slowly led to physical abuse. I mean I was obviously being emotional, mental, and visually abused slowly already!
The first time he have ever hit me I remember it so well, with NO good reason ever to hit me. It was all due to his insecurity. I remember getting hit in the nose and seeing all the blood coming out! My first time ever being hit by someone and yet I never left his side….

I’ve received black eyes, bruises, crazy bumps… I lost my job; I failed classes, broken phones, jumped out of a car, and broken car window… I was DEAD to the world. I just existed in my own life, I wasn’t living anymore! But he made sure that after everything that he has done there was CARING, LOVING AND FORGIVING… and eventually I thought I deserved all the beating.

Then I found out I was pregnant after 6 months, he didn’t want the baby… always telling me it wasn’t his, for me to kill myself and that I was just destroying his life. At about 9 weeks I lost my precious little angel, my first baby…. Then I moved on and for some reason got back together AGAIN… just because I kept having hope and holding on to nothing.

Obviously, he convincing me everything would be different and he’ll change for the better was all just made up. HISTORY was still repeating! Well, we got married (traditional way, not legally) because I was pregnant AGAIN… 6 months now…. I’m having a baby boy! & this is the last beating I was ever accepting in my life. I didn’t know the reason to why I even got beat at first, all I did was talk to his sister in law….

At 6 months he beat me with a baseball bat… I knew that right after he left, if I didn’t leave he will kill me one day with all his insecurity and his little mind of wanting me to be perfect for him…. I thought my arm was broken and my baby stopped moving and the first thing to think of was to get somewhere safe. I went to the ER that night, had him reported to the police and now currently staying with my family… Doing everything to cut all ties with him…. He won’t even have a chance to see his own child ever.

This would be a step to a new beginning. Knowing that my son and I would be safe and not have him grow up learning the things he shouldn’t.

Being “love” in the force of his fist is not worth me and my son being safe.