Intimidated Out of My Home at 50!

by Anna L.
(UK)

I’m in deep despair. I lived with a man who’s belittled me, my kids, thrown me out of their bedroom, threatened to break a door down to a room I was sleeping in, damaged my cars, talked about hurting the kids and me in a veiled threat way, ruined holidays, birthdays, and Mother’s Day. He is trying to control my kids and monopolize them.

He has managed our money, so we are in a mess, made it hell to be home for years, and now I’m divorcing him dragging everything through the courts, so it takes ages. He’s hacked into my phone account and changed the passwords, and I got to the point I couldn’t be in the house without trembling. And yet, I can, it seems, be intimidated out of my home ( that I’ve paid for and worked hard for) away from my kids without any of my stuff and no one helps. Worst still some don't believe or treat it just like it’s a regular divorce where we just both argue. The court process could go on for months. He’s spending 260 pounds an hour on a solicitor. I can’t do that!

Meanwhile, I’m sofa surfing! The council offered me a room in a shared house (no pets - I have two dogs I can’t just leave them!). You are supposed to qualify for housing benefit, but I’ve been around in circles trying to find out how to start with that. I’m trying to hold down two jobs! And be a mum/ when I’m allowed by my kids!

My husband never learned how to strap a child’s car seat in he was such a hands-on parent. He always shouted at the kids. He pits them against each other favoring one and picking on the other. Neither of the kids wants to talk to a counselor as suggested by the refuge, and so I feel I’ve made a big fuss about nothing asking for one and telling the schools on advise of others. A couple of male teachers have made me feel like I’m exaggerating and that this is just a divorce where we argue - one just talked over me entirely as I was trying to explain things to him. Very rude in itself! Husband is now arguing about access arrangement the kids suggested, and it seems despite the fact I’ve lived with his intimidation I have to go to a court hearing over this?????? I’m staggered. I don’t qualify for legal aid as there is equity in the house, which I need to house myself. There is lots of emotional support but unless you don’t work you on your own.

Even the police have let me down as most things are verbal they won’t do anything. My husband invariably winds me up and when I snap calls me mad. I tell you the world is insane to allow this to go on! It’s an utter disgrace. My neighbors have seen what’s going on and are appalled. My previous neighbor said he was afraid for my safety at times. I mean what more has to happen to me before I get help???

I’m utterly wrung out! My kids drained emotionally, and my husband's lawyer ignores my letters even though I’m representing myself about settling out of court quickly. She is female, and I've told her what’s happened, but she’s still prepared to take 260 pounds an hour to help him while I have nothing. I never realized the world could be quite so evil supposedly in a civilized country!