I Never Knew He Was Satan

by Jamie
(FL)

I was 17 and dumped twice, so I was taking a break from finding my soulmate. I was pleased being single and just wanted to catch up on being myself. But after a while, I felt lonely. All of my friends had relationships, and I felt jealous because they were going on dates and I didn’t have a guy.

So one day, my friends invited me to their house to hang out and meet guys. I went and met a guy. We started talking, and he introduced himself. He was charming, tall, dark and handsome. I told him my name, and we exchanged numbers after we spoke for hours. I figured he’d never call and I will never see him again. I was wrong. He beckoned that night, and we talked on the phone for hours. He texted me right when we hung up and invited me to hang out with him. I went and had a blast. We quickly became friends, and I finally met his family. They liked me. I was starting to like hanging out with him, and the feelings grew too crushing. I felt like he was crushing on me also. We quickly dated, and I felt like the happiest girl in the world. He was super romantic, funny, sweet, HOT, and everything I wanted in a man.

We hung out like every day, and his parents would invite me to everything. Even called me their second daughter since they already have one but they loved me so much. I felt the crush grow into love and I was falling for him quick. He was falling for me too. I felt the butterflies, and he also did. I thought at a young age that he was the one for me. Boy, I was wrong. I never knew the guy I was falling for would be the devil.

It all started when we went to his house to go swimming. I must’ve gained a few pounds, and I think I ate too much, but I wore this adorable bathing suit and felt so confident. I felt like a million bucks. Well, he said I was fat. I cried, and he begged for forgiveness which I did. He said he was just joking and didn’t mean to say it. Things continued, and he didn’t repeat anything about my weight. Besides that incident we were happy, and things got stronger with our relationship, or so I thought.

I will never forget the second time where I thought my life was over. We got into an argument, and he was screaming, threatening and cursing. He raised his hand to my face and hit the wall. I was crying so hard that I hid in the bathroom. He ran after me and continued to apologize. I was so scared of him. I was shaking. I had no idea what happened. Things were okay until that argument. I forgave him, and he told me he had a bad day and took it out on me. I know I should’ve left, but I loved him. I never knew he would do that to me. I was so afraid he would hurt me. His parents asked what happened and I told them. They were so shocked at what he did. I thought okay that’s it. He won’t be the devil. He promised he wouldn’t scare or hurt me ever, but he quickly broke that promise.

My guy told me I was fat, stupid, worthless, ugly, couldn’t have a career, no friends or family. I felt like he was trying to say to me that he doesn’t want me to talk or see my friends. I couldn’t give them up because they’re my friends. I have to connect with them. He became so jealous whenever my friends would call or text and invite me out to hang out. He would try to block them on my phone, but I would tell him that he doesn’t have too because they’re friends, and he always accused me of cheating with them, which I never did. His parents accused me of infidelity also. I would tell them I’m faithful, but they never believed me. They would try and find proof, but there wasn’t any. His parents finally didn’t approve of my religion and always said to date guys who are the same religion, but I didn’t want too. I loved their son, and they could see it. I guess they were jealous because I found my one true love. We were happy. But that was short lived again.

I remember one time I decided to dress up for him and had makeup on. He told me never to wear it again. It was because he didn’ t like makeup on me. Said it was a mask. I finally felt like maybe he was right. I decided to wear makeup more often, and he still hated it. I didn’t care. I felt pretty. But then he would comment on my appearance. He would say bad things about my smile and didn’t want me to fix it. I noticed in the mirror that I needed braces. So I got braces, and he hated it. I got a new hairstyle too and again, hated it. I finally felt like crap about myself. I felt like hiding in an eggshell. I hated my smile, never smiled, felt fat. He would control my every move. If I were at work, he would come in and see if I’m even doing my job. If I were talking to someone, he’d get outraged. He was always manipulating and super jealous. Always called and texted like 100 times. I couldn’t take it. I finally felt less confident even with the braces and a new hairstyle. I tried to hide what I was feeling, and fake smiled. I kept thinking omg I am fat. I am worthless; I did need braces and a new hairstyle because I’m ugly.

I had an idea. I was going to continue with the braces and keep the hairstyle since I loved it and did some drastic things. I quit eating for a week, lost weight and felt sick. I was shaking, had headaches, and felt dizzy and nauseous. I had trouble sleeping because I was afraid my partner was going to hurt me. I couldn’t focus at work because I felt like he was always checking up on me. I was so scared of him. I cried all the time. I had thoughts of ending my life. He was a monster. I broke down and told my best friend, who is my mom. She was in shock after I told her what he did. She told me I could leave for good if I wanted. I said yes.

We had a plan. It was my mother's birthday weekend. My abusive partner called. He wanted to know if we can hang out and I said no. He was yelling, screaming, threatening to hurt me and the family and cursing. I was crying so hard I hung up the phone. I told mom what happened and she said she could make it over for good. I said do it. She texted him and said it’s over for good. She finally told me that she ended it and I felt such a relief. I started to eat again and gained the weight back. I slept great. I felt confident still. I wasn’t scared anymore. I felt like a load was off my shoulders. I felt happy. I was smiling again. I cried for a little bit, but that was tears of relief. I felt hurt by the breakup, but I feel safe.

I am never going back to him. He’s contacted me, but I ignore it. I’ve gone on dates with different guys but none I like. If I get into a relationship again, I will make sure the next guy won’t ever do this. Now that it’s over, I’m incredibly grateful that I survived abuse. It will probably haunt me for life, but I want to find true love again.

This anecdote is my story, and I hope that it helps.