by Rebecca
(Tucson)
Being a single mom sometimes can leave you feeling like you're alone. Realizing that the little child looking up to you isn't enough to get it together because you know you're safe from your abuser. Leaving was the only way.
It was the last straw.
I got home, and he asked me where I was? Who was with me? I had just got off work! All I remember was lights out! He struck me I blacked out! He kicked me in the stomach, pulled my hair. Spitting on my face, smothering it all over my face. As I was coming to, I could barely hear my daughter saying "stop daddy mommy is hurt!" Blood was dripping from my head. I could not see him over me, but I felt him breathing real close. I didn't want to get up. I wanted to die!! First of all, he told me he never would hit me again. All the broken promises were going through my mind. Then I felt him shaking me. Get up bitch! I slowly got up And said stop! You need to stop! You're a bitch! Fight a real man! Not me! You can't because some man will beat the shit out of you! He went down the hall yelling I'll show you bitch!
Here's my chance. I grabbed my daughter, the keys to the car I couldn't find them!!!! Where are they? I whispered we need to find the keys to the car! God, please help me. I turned, and the keys were by the desk. I grabbed them and picked up my daughter and opened the door to freedom. I could hear him still yelling. I started the car and sensed a big crash. Aaaaaaw!!! He had thrown a brick at the window. Stop bitch!! I'll kill you if you leave! I'm not kidding I'll kill you!!! My daughter was crying in the back seat. It's ok baby. Mom's ok. I floored the gas and reversed it all the way to the street. My daughter was yelling mama he's running to the car. I said no he's not! I drove in reverse a block and a half and turned the wheel so fast I was now facing him, and in Drive, I said baby hold on. I went right towards him as he was still running After my car drove 20, 30, 40 miles/hour, it still felt like two seconds. He jumped to save his own life!
I stopped and thought "should I finish him?"
Mommy mommy! Go! Mommy, he's coming! Mommy! That's when I drove off and never looked back. I knew I had lost my sanity for just a sec. I kept on driving and driving and driving. I didn't have any idea where I was going. What seemed like a dream reality sat in when my face was so blue and black. My left eye was swollen shut. My baby was tired and sound asleep.
It was 3 a.m., and my phone wouldn't stop ringing. Oh please leave me alone.
I was far away from him, but he still had a hold on me. I felt if I don't get home he's going to beat me worst than what he did tonight. No, I can't go back. I didn't know what to do. I did know what I shouldn't do. So I checked into a motel.
I had no ID. All I had was a debit card. I know I had $500.00 so I checked into this old run down hotel for $24.00. Great, I wonder if it comes with breakfast! Yea right! I picked up my baby girl. It was not until then that I noticed he had hit her on her back. Her little blouse lifted up. And there were three of the bastards handprint.
Oh, baby, I'll never let you be in the middle of this ever again! I promise.
As I slipped into bed and held her, I realized I'm alive! I fell asleep only to awaken by the knock on the door. Bam! Bam! It was getting louder. Open the door! It was him! He found me! Omg!
That's when my baby said mommy are you ok. You had a nightmare! It's ok mommy you have me, and I have you. It was a dream. One of many that I would have for years. I never went back and never looked for him.
What years passed by, my baby was now 10. I had pursued my education and became a domestic violence counselor. I had a man that was a prince that claimed my child as his own. He called me beautiful. And I felt it because he felt he should pamper women, not abuse them. Every day was like a fairy tale. He would bring me breakfast in bed, or surprise me with flowers, take me for a ride just to devour the sunset. I soaked in all his love he poured on me. For a second I thought maybe I don't deserve this. But that didn't last long because I'm the one who fits that slipper. I'm worth it. And he became my prince.