I Can Forgive BUT I Will Never Forget

by Amanda
(ARTESIA, NEW MEXICO)

Today I am the wife of a quality man and six beautiful children. But if you would have seen me almost four years ago, you would have seen a broken, fearful, and stressed shell.

I started dating my ex-husband back in 2007. I worked for his mother, and she wanted me to go out with him because I was a good girl and maybe I could change him and make him into the kind man she knew he could be. Boy, she was mistaken. Everything started out excellent, but then we get married, have a house of our own, and he gets a job. After about eight months he starts changing. I knew he smoked marijuana, but I didn't realize he was addicted to methamphetamine. I never knew the signs. I thought I was doing something wrong. I wasn't.

His behavior became more erratic as time passed. He switched jobs, and he accused me of cheating. Then his mother pointed out that he had a problem and what the signs were. I didn't like what I found: little baggies with white residue, funny looking pipes, lack of money, and money stolen out of my account. All of this happened right before our son was born in 2008 and over time slowly got worse until I left him. The abuse included getting pulled out of the house by my hair, getting told I was worthless, and him taking our son the day I left him. I was not able to get my son back until authorities put a restraining order into effect.

I filed for divorce got the primary custody of my son, my ex-husband still got visitation, but I always had to see his mother during drop off and pick up during the rest of the restraining order time. Then, my ex-mate came around and tried to win me back. And, I eventually let him return to me. I got my two daughters but, the abuse was worse the second time around. Especially toward the end.