Getting the Strength to Leave

by DB
(California)

I've read many of the stories on this site all are sadly familiar. The last couple weeks with my malignant narcissist/ sociopathic spouse have been the worst yet in a two-year marriage. By the way, those are the conditions he's been diagnosed with and admits to them. Of course, I knew none of this when we met. It was typical boy sweeps the girl off her feet to blissfully live happily ever after. Instead, I've endured psychological, verbal, sexual, and physical abuse.

We are both very successful professionals with multiple graduate degrees. Abuse knows no boundaries. My husband is obsessed with sexual pasts. He has taken out countless emails in my name contacting anyone I've ever dated in 22 years and pretending to be me has engaged these men in intimate details of my sexual past. He thinks this is normal! He beats me over this. I've been strangled, punched in the face, spit on, pushed down the stairs, head banged on wall and floor, drew guns and knives, attempted to run me over, tried to push me out of a moving car, and left me in the middle of nowhere with no phone. I could go on and on.

Telling this story here is the first time I'm speaking up or sharing my current situation. No more secrets, no more protecting his career. Now it's time for me to get the courage to leave. Why is this so hard? I use all my energy dealing with him on a daily basis that I don't have the energy to put one foot in front of the other and walk out the door.

Please pray for me to have courage. My life should not be all about fear and pain, and I deserve better than that. We all deserve better than a life of fear and suffering!