Gays Feel It Too

by Michael Jones Jr
(Pontiac, MI)

The very first time I thought it was a game.

I was 14 years old. I laughed a little, I thought it was to make me tough. I just started at my high school, and I met a guy that went to the same school. He was pretty fun and cool at first. Once we realized we could get after school activities together I took every opportunity, somehow we always ended up alone...the very first time, BOOM. A slap and a push to the ground, before I knew it I was being drag trying to hold on on for dear life, begging for it to end. Once I got home I ignored every call, but I was yet to regret it.

The next day he'll push me in the halls in front of other people, they'll walk by like they didn't see me or as if it was normal. The very next time I stayed after I begged my best friend to stay. He beat us both in a dark computer room, very small and hot, trying to make me do things to him. I knew I couldn't beat through it. I was scared cause all I can think is that for two hours I'll be stuck here following his demands. Waiting patiently for my grandma to pick me up, I got afraid and impatient, I just walked home. It was very foggy, I couldn't see 5 feet in front of me. As I thought I got away, he was in the shadows of the fog following me. Without being aware he got ahold of me, and I didn't know what next to do, I know help wouldn't be able to find me.

As I told people these stories no one believed me, I guess my friends wasn't mature to get that everything was hurting. One day I just stood up for myself and avoided every corner he stood on, every bathroom I knew he'd be, even lunch until he finally moved away I was free...

...as I thought...

...I was 19 this time, this year 2016. I dated a guy that I thought was my last and forever. He had set goals right along with me to do it all, to live it all. Until I put on my shades to see the blind sides of love and saw he was cheating on me. Numerous times he was cheating, he kept constantly lying to me when I knew the truth. Each night I'd cry myself to sleep in his arms, hoping for the best, hoping that tomorrow he'll see what I ask. I was buying him gifts to win his love. They did nothing but make him angry. He always made me leave, always left me on curb. I lost family and friends to be with someone I gave all my faith towards. Once I was finally alone and anonymous ounce of confidence came and helped me gain my self esteem. Didn't want to think of winning his love through death anymore. So I did what he did to me...cheated. I gave someone that adored my time the first day they saw me. Once he found out he was trying to win me back, but I wasn't much for it...he saw me giving up and he was ready to love, he started showing off his gifts, kissing me the way I should be kissed, held the way I should be held, he started to cry more than I have ever cried to him. But I didn't care, I didn't want nothing to do with him.

One day he found out they guy was at home and he was at my door full of anger. He entered my home cutting my art work. I figured if I leave he would leave. But as he saw me walking back home, he hit me. Hit me constantly, I didn't fight back, not once. With blurred vision, busted lip and a hole through my lip. I didn't think he would do that to me. I'm thankful I'm healed today, it took a 48 hour headache, my jaw cannot be opened all the way and I'm still trying to eat and brush my teeth, and he just sits there and brushes it off his shoulders.

Where did the love he have go? Did he ever have love for me? What was his time consisting of??