Feeling Stuck, Working My Way Away

by Ash W.
(Phila, Pennsylvania )

When I first entered this relationship, I had just turned 18 years old, completely inexperienced with relationships in general, let alone being in a relationship involving any types of abuse. I met this guy when I moved into a new area. I knew no one, and I thought he was a friendly face and someone who would be right to be in a relationship with because I was very trusting. I approached him, and we exchanged phone numbers. Everything happened so fast so within about two weeks he had the title of being my boyfriend. When I am in relationships, I take them very seriously so I gave him my all since day one, nothing but loyalty. In the past, I had issues trusting people and I was really insecure. So in this relationship, I tried to make that change of trust with the wrong person.

Tons of red flags started popping up from day one.

The first thing that happened is that he still had strong feelings for an ex of his. I really liked him, and I was willing to help him sort something like that out, even though it really hurt my feelings but I was trying to do what I thought was right. Little did I know, he was still trying to get back with her. He had me restricted from his Facebook page. So when he made constantly posts about how he missed her, I wasn't there to see it. When I found out about it, he apologized and promised it would never happen again, and I took his word for that.

The next thing that had happened was I had received and random message on Facebook from another girl asking if he and I were in a relationship. Of course, confused, I messaged back saying yes. Little did I know, this was a girl that he was talking with behind my back, and he denied her and said she was trying to start issues between he and I. A few days later, another girl also messaged my Facebook saying she was in a relationship with him for two years and she seemed very much hurt. He told me they where never in a relationship, and I believed him and overlooked the situation.

It started to become excessive, and his lies started to not add up. Random naked photos were in his phone and he "didn't know how they got there". Girls after girls sent me screenshots of conversations they had, and he denied it. It started driving me crazy. He began to tell me things like it was my fault he would cheat on me. He would tell me he did these things to me because I found out about it by seeing it on his phone, and I was wrong for touching his stuff. My trust was just destroyed at that point.

We would get into really bad arguments about these other girls to the point on three separate occasions he put me into a choke hold for not believing his lies and arguing it down. I was called out of my name on countless occasions from being called a bitch, broad, stupid, gullible anything that came to his mind. He would say any and everything to break me down. I would spend nights on end up all night just crying my eyes out and I felt so alone. I felt like what have I done to put myself in situation like this? What did I do to deserve any of this? Why did being in love hurt so bad? I quit two jobs because I couldn't function without crying. The abuse I was going through was tearing me apart.

I dealt with this for two years. Dealing with countless other females he would cheat on me with, being talked down to everyday; I still thought I was in love. My entire years of being 18-20 just wasted on crying every day and being treated like I was worthless I swore it was my fault when it wasn't.

So one day it hit me.

Why am I doing this? Its not me. I am a great person, I have big goals and a bright future. Why am I letting this person hold me down?

Its not easy getting out a situation like this with someone who you care about really deeply, but you have to put yourself first. You have to realize you have worth, and you deserve to be treated like the worthy person you are. I would never wish the pain I went through on anyone. Those were the most miserable years of my life.

So girls, please trust your intuition. If you feel like he's not telling the truth about something, he most likely isn't. If he puts his hands on you, no matter how much he apologizes to you, leave, because he will do it again. You are worth more than that, and when you reach those times where you feel like you're alone and there's no on there for you, there are tons of people there to support you through your pain, you are not alone.