Domestic Violence - My Story

by Didi
(Adelaide)

I am a 25 year old women and also a mother to a four year old girl Jordyn. 7 years ago I started my relationship with her father. Little did I know that I had just begun being part of a DV relationship. Three (3) months ago now I found the courage to finally leave the relationship giving up everything I had worked for to get away from the situation.

I thought the domestic violence would stop, and my life could only get better. Little did I know that the nightmare was just beginning. I moved in with my mother with a 6 bedroom house and big backyard. I really couldn’t complain, a perfect place for my daughter to kick off again. I had stopped working full time so I could be there to support my daughter through this change, dropping and picking her up from preschool nearly everyday with public transport because I hadn’t had my license yet.

At the beginning of our split we had organised a mediation between the two families so his family and my family sat together and worked out fair times. These are meant to be based around the needs of the child, but with his attitude and him constantly putting his needs first that didn’t happen. But eventually, we came to a conclusion. The first few days ran smoothly and then it started off course. I heard no complaints when he was with her, but as soon as she was in my care it began. “I’m not spending enough time with her”, “it’s not fair”, “If you don’t let me see her I’m going to pick her up from preschool”, ”you’re a bad mum she doesn’t even like you." The problem was I got these texts daily from the time I got up till the time I went to bed. He would call me anything and everything, and the whole time I just bit my tongue hoping he would calm down and it will all go away, repeating to myself that this could only get better.

So days would past she was in my care he would storm in demanding to take her even when it wasn’t his scheduled day in front of my mum walking into her home he continued to argue no respect for anyone only taking in his needs, there would be times in front of company he would mutter rude comments under his breath about me, I tried to cut him off and still try to be as formal as possible refusing to lower myself to his standards but he wouldn’t let up, eventually storming out not even saying goodbye to his daughter like a child because he hadn’t got his way.

One day after picking her up from preschool still getting the threatening texts, and as a mother he as he going to take off with my child, would he jump sates, would he remove her mum from her life permantely. We arrived home next thing I hear was a knock at the door but he wasn’t meant to be here I closed the door put down the blinds, the knocking continued so I sat with Jordyn in the longue room, I received texts he was being so nice “just open the door, I would like to talk” not the same person who had abused me constantly on a daily basis, I knew what he was up to and I refused to open the door once I opened that door he was capable of anything and that was the scary part. This kept on going I called my mum telling her of the situation she told me to call his mum thinking that this would be a good a idea and she would be able to help me diffuse the situation little did I know me needing her help would mean nothing to her, I called her up told her of her son being outside how I was scared and could she please help me in removing him from the property by talking to him, I didn’t want to call the police as I didn’t want it to get that hostile especially with Jordyn around but if I knew how things were going to unfold for me in the near future I should of called them, I spoke to his mum telling her of the events her response was “ well what did you want me to do about it” I was shocked that she was acting this way and I have never lost respect for someone to quickly in my life. I hung up the phone still in shock but lucky for me Simon my cousin and was present at the family mediation, called him and also spoke to his dad 15 mins later I heard his car leave the property.

My emotions and how I felt how the situation was just pushed to the back of my mind, I was just afraid for my daughter her well being afraid that he would take her anything, really. Picking my little girl up from preschool hearing “Daddy was angry and he broke your things” was devastating realising that he didn’t care about the pain that he would put on others as long as he got his way. He had me somewhat afraid and I didn’t even know it.
Weeks went on none the less the same familiar patterns abuse everyday he would come into the home trying to chest front me purposely standing in my way when I would ask him to move I would get such responses like “No, I’m not leaving” “I don’t have to” he continually disrespected me treated me like I was nothing and this was all ok, calling me a slut along with other nasty names in front of Jordyn no consideration what the kind of effect this could have on her in the future and for what he obviously got some sort of satisfaction from it all but I still managed to keep my head high not letting his comments affect me slowly learning that this was also part of his sick game. I couldn’t understand even as I write now tears flow down my face I think putting up a wall for so long at some stage you have to bring it down.

One morning her dropped off Jordyn to the home my little sister and her friend were getting ready to go to school it was early we were all in the longue , I moved into the corridor he wanted to talk about Jordyn’s care the same argument he was never happy with the hours he had I always tried to work around him despite everything he put me through I was just really trying to keep the peace hoping that it wouldn’t escalate . So he followed me through to the corrider constantly demanding we speak about it, I told him that it wasn’t the time because the children were in the house he still insisted we talk about, I kept repeating the same thing “no because the kids were around feel free to call me through the day and we can talk about it.” I then tried to pass he refused to let me get pass every time I would ask he would say no eventually pushing me. My sister than asked him to leave if she wasn’t there again this situation would of escalated easily.
Then came the day when things turned violent once again he came to pick up Jordyn it was just after 6 he was already in a bad mood I was braiding her hair and asked him if he could wait he didn’t want to claiming it was after 6 he pick up time, he had no problem being hostile in front of Jordyn at all previously he would call me names in front of her, grab her roughly demand her to go never once giving my daughter that peace of mind, you don’t think you have put her through enough!

So that day I told him to wait outside if he was going to be aggressive we were the only ones in the house at the time and I knew deep down this wasn’t going to be a good thing, he always took advantage of the situation even the relationship between us what would change now, I finished plaiting her hair I could hear him in his aggressive tone, telling Jordyn come now, lets go and you’ll never see her again, I told him no that’s not going to happen he kept repeating it, I asked him again to leave the house and please wait outside or I would call the police, he still refused even taunting me daring me to call the police. Then things got violent I remember him grabbing me by my throat and the punching me to the face but I say it was the look in his eyes that scared me the most it was filled with so much hate if Jordyn wasn’t there that situation would of escalated dramatically. I pulled Jordyn behind me he was still trying to coax him to her “Jordyn come her” It made me sick I took her outside with me and called the police.

Days went by I refused him to see her scared of everything scared of him hurting me, scared of him taking off with her on the Friday I got a call from his mother saying she would like to have her over for a sleepover, I was reluctant spoke to a few people and then agreed to it and my agreement with her was firm 10 am pick up and 10 am drop off the next day, That didn’t happen I get a call at 10:15am from his mother saying that she didn’t know what to do I called the police and then said whoever picks her up first but my son has already picked her up” so she hadn’t even gave me the opportunity to pick up my daughter! It has been 8 days now and counting I haven’t seen my daughter she hasn’t attended preschool and 2 days ago I made the first contact. I’ve been seeking legal aid and will be getting her back but every day it hurts and I thought this pain could get any worse no one should have to go through this and if you see the signs at the beginning speak because your probably right. Save yourself, your children from situations like this, I thought that I was trying to do the right thing by everyone but at the end of the day these people don’t care they only care about what’s best for them. Even the child’s needs is of no concern to them, it is just part of their life to try and control you which makes the situation even worse, and it shows that how unstable they are at the current moment.

It makes me feel sick that people like this exist, but they do. Domestic Violence is still an issue that not many of us like to talk about but the outcome of these situations are some of the worst parents allowed to run off with children or worst case scenario a child losing the mother or father to domestic violence, I will not rest until I have my daughter back but Domestic Violence will no longer be a buried issue everyone needs and deserves to be safe.