10 years from leaving DV, I still get nightmares

by Anonymous

I grew up in a family with Chinese background. My mother's given birth to 4 kids, and I was the second kid, and my sister the third. My mother would always remind my sis and I that we were unwanted, as all she ever wanted was to give birth to 2 boys. So when she had her 4th child, who's a boy, she loved him and spoilt him to an extent that has destroyed the whole family.

My mother grew up in a family that hates girl, so she passed on her hatred to the next generations. My sis and I used to stay at grandma's and my auntie's house for years before we eventually moved back home when we started attending primary school. That's when the emotional abuse started. My sister and I were degraded and felt unworthy, we behaved strangely at school, teachers dislike us and we had no friends.

The youngest brother MC was way too spoiled by parents. When he was old enough and strong enough (he was the tallest and biggest in the family), the physical abuse started. He would hit anyone in the family if we didn't obey, or if we try to correct him. Mother would try to beg him to stop, and she would get bashed by him. If we tried to stop him, he'd bash anyone who was in his way. My father would just stand aside and wait until the violence would end. He didn't want to get involved.

MC stopped attending school (Year 9) after he broke his classmate's leg intentionally and almost hit a school teacher in the face. The violence at home got worse from that point. I'd hide in my room with my sister, and he'd break the door and come in to strangle me and bash me up. He loves to see us scared. He loves to hear the screaming. I've tried to call the police a few times, and my parents would slap me in the face and took the phone away from me (Chinese think it's a shame to let the outside world know about DV, and they wouldn't want MC to be put in jail).

MC would come up to the parent's room in the middle of the night and use a baseball bat to beat them up, who were still sleeping in bed. He would walk to the kitchen calmly to boil up water, and walk up to mother, lift up her shirt's collar and pour the water onto her back (inside the clothes). My mother was admitted to hospital a few times and we have to lie about her wounds. I was so sick of the emotional abuse by my mother, yet I was worried about my parent's safety.

I didn't leave home until 23, after an incident where I was so close to death. MC bashed me up, threw a 2x5kg dumbell at me (I'm petite with 40kg weight), pulled like a quarter of my hair out, then he strangled me to a point I almost fainted. That's when I know my life is more important than anyone's. I need to leave. My mother called me a traitor and selfish bitch, and said I brought shame to the family as I moved out before I got married. Even though I was bashed up so badly because I was trying to stop MC from bashing my mother up in the first place, I became a traitor? I wonder how does that work?! My sister left soon after I left.

I've reported to police about the DV anonymously. The police visited my family once but they were all played being a happy family and lied to the police. The violence got worse afterwards, and I got blamed for the police visiting.

I am 33 now, it's been 10 years since I moved out. The violence (physical and emotional) is gone, but the emotional scar remains. My sister has developed depression and schizophrenia, which is one of the few reasons I couldn't forgive my parents. Even though I seem to be normal and have a happy life, I have nightmares every now and then, and I have screamed and cried out loud in my sleep. In my dream MC was trying to kill me. He was trying to take everything I have away from me; my mother telling me I don't deserve the life I have now, and she's trying to take it away from me too. I don't know if that's a reflection that Im feeling insecure or what. I just know these dreams bring back old feelings, and when I look back I don't know how I survived.

Til now, I still hope that MC would be put in jail so no one will be in danger. But my family would lie to anyone (even the judge), and I don't have any actual evidence against him. So all I could do now is to look after my sister and look after myself, and keep my fingers crossed that one day I can leave these experiences all behind and never have a single nightmares about them anymore.